Q: What is Domestic/Family Violence?

Domestic/Family violence is a pattern of assaultive and coercive behaviors that adults or adolescents use against their current or former intimate partners and or family members. Domestic/Family Violence occurs in intimate and family relationships where the perpetrator and the victim are currently or previously have been dating,living together, married or divorced they might have children in common or not. In cases of Elder or child abuse their is usually and area of trust built that has been violated.

Q: Who are the abusers?

Abusers come from all walks of life. They may be of any sex, class background, race, religion, or sexual orientation. They come from different educational and income levels. Although batterers may be of any sex, most reported batterers or perpetrators are male in intimate relationships. We have found in Elder and Child abuse the abuser can be male or female.

Q: How many people are affected by domestic violence?

According to the El Dorado Women’s Center (www.edwomenscenter.org/FAQ) in Placerville, California, “A woman is assaulted by her partner every nine seconds in the U.S.* There are four million victims a year. 30% of all female murder victims are slain by their male partners. One in three Americans say they have witnessed domestic violence.”

- Family Violence Prevention Fund www.endabuse.org

- U.S. Department of Justice

• In 2002, 24,905 domestic violence cases were reported in 2002.

• 14 deaths statewide resulted from 13 domestic violence incidents.

• 4,104 female victims were injured during their assaults.

• 75 percent of victims reporting incidents to police were female.

• 3,381 children were at the scene of the abuse when law enforcement arrived.

• 50 percent to 70 percent of men who abuse their female partners abuse their children.

• Nearly 71 percent of children who witnessed the abuse were 12 or younger.

• One of every 10 cases of women suffering abuse by their male partner is reported.

• 25 percent of pregnant women seeking prenatal care have been battered during their pregnancy.

• Battering is the major cause of injury to women ages 14-45, causing more injuries than auto crashes, muggings and rapes combined.

 New Mexico Coalition Against Domestic Violence www.nmcadv.org

Q: Is battering a momentary loss of temper?

No. One in five women victimized by their spouses or ex-spouses report they have been victimized over and over again by the same person. (U.S. Surgeon General Antonia Novello,1993).

Q: Is Family Violence a crime?

Yes! in every state. The laws vary form state to state. Visit Women’s Law Initiative’s website (www.womenslaw.org) for more information.

Q: Is there ever any excuse for Family violence?

No. Batterers  and abusers often come up with excuses and frequently blame the victim, deny the abuse and minimize the severity of their violence. There is never an excuse for abusing anyone and no possible reason for brutality or coercion in a "loving" relationship. We all get angry at people we care for. But domestic/family violence tends to swing between brutality and "making up," with the level of abuse always rising. It is all about control, not equality. - El Dorado Women’s Center (www.edwomenscenter.org/FAQ.htm), Placerville, CA

Q: How Can I Identify Family Violence? 

The following are questions to ask yourself about your relationship.

Does your Partner or Family Member?

• Embarrass you with bad names and put-downs?

• Look at you or act in ways that scare you?

• Control what you do, who you see or talk to, or where you go?

• Stop you from seeing or talking to friends or family?

• Take your money or Social Security check, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?

• Make all the decisions?

• Tell you you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?

• Act like the abuse is not a big deal, is your fault, or even deny doing it?

• Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?

• Intimidate you with guns, knives, or other weapons?

• Shove you, slap you or hit you?

• Force you to drop charges?

• Threaten to commit suicide?

• Threaten to kill you?

• Deny you your medication?
• Leave or tie you to your bed?
• Deny you food or medical help?

Q: What defines Physical Abuse?

Physical abuse is easier to recognize and understand than other types of abuse. It can be indicated when the batterer:

• Scratches, bites, grabs or spits at a current or former intimate partner.

• Shakes, shoves, pushes, restrains or throws her.

• Twists, slaps, punches, strangles or burns the victim.

• Throws objects at her.

• Subjects her to reckless driving.

• Locks her in or out of the house.

• Refuses to help when she’s sick, injured or pregnant, or withholds medication or treatment.

• Withholds food as punishment.

• Abuses her at mealtimes, which disrupts eating patterns and can result in malnutrition.

• Abuses her at night, which disrupts sleeping patterns and can result in sleep deprivation.

• Attacks her with weapons or kills her.

Q: What is Psychological Abuse?

It is the abuser’s use of physical and sexual force or threats that gives power to his psychologically abusive acts. Psychological abuse becomes an effective weapon in controlling a victim because she knows through experience that her abuser will at times backup the threats or taunts with physical assaults. Psychological abuse can be indicated when the batterer:

• Breaks promises, doesn’t follow through on agreements, or doesn’t take a fair share of responsibility.

• Verbally attacks and humiliates his partner in private or public.

• Attacks her vulnerabilities, such as her language abilities, educational level, skills as a parent, religious and cultural beliefs, or physical appearance.

• Plays mind games, such as when he denies requests he has made previously or when he undercuts her sense of reality.

• Forces her to do degrading things.

• Ignores her feelings.

• Withholds approval or affection as punishment.

• Regularly threatens to leave or tells her to leave.

• Harasses her about affairs he imagines her to be having.

• Always claims to be right.

• Is unfaithful after committing to monogamy.

Q: What can I do about domestic violence?

Learning about domestic violence and the issues surrounding it will educate you and enable you to recognize that it’s everywhere. You can research via the Internet, which is a great source of materials on domestic violence and a way to learn about the domestic violence organizations in your area. Also, reading your local and national newspapers will facilitate your awareness of the issue in your community and on a national level.

Identify domestic violence and help someone if she is a victim. Remember, don’t blame the victim for what has happened; instead, be her friend. Provide her with support and local referrals as appropriate.

Help her develop a safety plan.

If you’re considering volunteering, think about donating your time to a domestic violence victim shelter. It would not only allow you to assist in ending domestic violence, but it would offer a better perspective on the issue.

Contribute to a domestic violence organization in your community.

Q: How can I help a woman in an abusive relationship?

• Support battered women in their efforts to end the violence in their lives. Don’t blame them for the abuse.

• Support your local program for battered women: share your time and resources.

• Hold batterers accountable for their violence. Let them know that the community condemns this behavior.

• Think about the ways that society has accepted the use of violence by men to control women’s behavior. Re-examine your own attitudes about it.

• Teach young people that violence is not acceptable.

• Examine and discuss how TV programs and movies glamorize violence.

• Learn more about domestic violence and what you can do to stop it.

- Domestic Violence: Understanding a Community Problem,

developed by the National Women Abuse Prevention Project,

• Listen without judging people in abusive relationships.

• Allow victims to make their own decisions.

• Guide them to community services for professional support.

• Focus on their strengths rather than shortcomings already highlighted in the relationship.

• Help them make a safety plan, including finding a safe place to stay.

• If you see an assault in progress, Dial 911!.

- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

For more information please click on link

Since statistics show that women are affected more by domestic violence than men, victims are frequently referred to as female or as battered women.

FAQ on Domestic Violence – Compiled and Distributed by the National Center on Domestic and Sexual Violence. Additions added by A Better Way Ministry.

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